Pain and suffering are not the same thing.
Pain is what happens when something real hurts. It is body remembering. It is love with nowhere familiar to go. It’s honest, and it wants to move. If you let it, it will.
Suffering is what we layer on top. The story we tell about the pain. The clenching against it. The refusal to let it pass through.
Megan Devine said, “Pain multiplied by resistance equals suffering.” Pain by itself can be tough but manageable; resistance turns it into something overwhelming.
I’m not sharing this to make you feel guilty for suffering. I understand how tightly we can hold onto it and how impossible it may seem to set it down.
And I’m not asking you to let go today, only to notice the difference. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. The pain of missing your loved one—that’s real, and it’s a beautiful reflection of love. That remains because love remains.
But the suffering—the stories, the spirals, the reasons—can eventually be put down. Not because it’s unjustified, but because holding onto it can weigh you down for a lifetime.
Pain is something you walk through; suffering is something you might carry for decades until you realize you don’t have to anymore.
You don’t have to let go today, but maybe soon you might feel ready to release a little bit. Just a little. Notice how that feels.